Wednesday, October 23, 2013

checking in...

hey there!
It's been WAY too long. I was catching up on my favy blogs last night (specifically Anne The Adventurer) and I spent, what felt like hours, trying to fall asleep because my brain was hopping all over the place. I love the rework that Lauren did, and I feel like I have the bare bones to get active.
I keep trying to take the pressure off of myself to make it perfect, and make sure that the topics follow the name, which is so brilliant, THANKS MATT!! I can't let it go. So how to proceed...
I was commenting on one of Anne's posts last night when I realized some of what had been contributing to my lack of writing. It was a post on friendship and I was commenting about how I am always an open book, if someone asks me a question, I don't think twice about why aren't I blogging away?
I spent a lot of time thinking about it last night. I guess I'm trying to manage expectations I don't even know exist!?! I'm afraid I'm going to say something that will upset or offend someone I care about, or what if a guy I like stumbles upon this and doesn't like me anymore? First step to a problem is admitting it...right? Ok. I just admitted my fears.
  • Not living up to expectations
  • Potentially hurting someone I care about
  • Potentially making a guy "not like me anymore"
Really? Just saying it makes me embarrassed! I'm no where near perfect, I'll always be a mess, my friends and people who know me already know this. I'm crazy, fun, loud, quiet, scared, easily excited...I could go on for hours...(don't worry I won't). Overall, I'm pretty fucking happy with who I am. Yep. I said it.
So I refuse to let these fears get the best of me! I also will not let myself get the best of me either. I have a few ideas to get a little more active, that will hopefully lead to a LOT more active...but I just wanted to check in and say "HEY, I'M AWESOME! & GET READY TO SEE MORE OF ME!"
Hahaha and if you've been reading...thanks for sticking around.

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